why must i have parents that demand i do housework when i still have some 7.5k words to go.

it’s hard to keep a smile lifted these days.

For in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children’s futures, and we are all mortal.

i think there’s a reason why i stopped listening to music. seriously at least.

it used to be a prime form of expression for me: my ipod and guitar. and then i think i wasn’t sure. i wasn’t sure who was the expression for whom. i remember how the random track on the ipod would change my mood almost arbitrarily, and while i was its owner, really, my earphones merely served as chains exploiting my most fragile emotions. i sought to protect myself and create distance. I intellectualized music, analysed every bit of it, from guitars to lyrics, arrangements, musical references, historical contexts, music-lyric synonymity etc . i sought to claim power by understanding it. i still do that now, but for intellectual engagement, music, while fascinating, competes with a whole other myriad of topics for my attention.

i think i won. i can now somewhat claim power because i understand it and its tricks. but i wonder if i have lost my soul together with it.

aiyah, i just wanna play basketball.

I was gonna say a bit about my emcee-ing experience and how i was given a script (as all emcees are) and ramble a bit about how i just couldn’t stick to it because it just felt too boxed up for me to stick to anything for too long. but that was basically it and i just wanted to put something about it somewhere.

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deep inside, i think i am most skeptical of people. and of course, in self-defense, i have become exactly what i have been skeptical of, and the cycle has become somewhat self-reinforcing. i wonder if this’ll lead to a downward spiral where eventually i’ll become schizophrenic, distrusting, unloved, sad and alone. it doesn’t appear foreseeable at this point, but i don’t know if all this Hobbesian thinking will eventually translate to more than just an intellectual exercise; and i worry for my soul.

all this deathcab music.

I’ve always felt that there is something on the inside of us all that makes us bigger than who we are and that we constantly try to bring that out of our human shell. that is why outward appearances can only mean so much.

i’ve always wondered what if lyrically, a song was saying one thing, but musically, another.

really more than anything, it’s the friends that brings about the best memories of any phase of life.

let it be known that when buying elixir strings, NEVER buy the polyweb version. seriously.

there seems to be this recurring imagery of a room and its gateway. the people own the room, yet they owe the room. they come and they go but its not who comes and who goes. it is who is left behind and who is left outside.