tongue tied.

thinking back, it was a most unsuspecting night when it happenend. and yet, i, to my own surprise even, managed to stay calm, providing what seemed like well-thought-through replies to my friend’s questions of care and concern. i appeared controlled; i was controlled; everything i said sounded controlled, except for the quiver in my voice that gave away the distraught accumulated. perhaps i tried not to think of it as it really was; my thoughts were shaped around the whole thing as a systemic event logically explained by other events dating back several months. but even then, you don’t just get over somethings overnight.

i wanted to know when, how, exactly what.. but i daren’t trust my still fragile soul with such piercing details. and probably, this was the best way things could be told to me, given that they were going to happen anyways. it was the minimum required to give everything the finallity i so dearly hoped for, assuring me that i hadn’t been one of those ‘could have but’ type of stories. i was aware of that and i spoke my mind, leading to some semblance of peace and disengagement from the truths i was supposed to face with.

four years of hope that someday things could work out. i’ve gotten over that, but i still need time.


~ by moz on June 15, 2007.

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